Sexy Jokes / Recent Jokes

You go to a party and you see a SEXY girl across the room.
You go up to her and say "Hi, I'm great in bed, what about it?".
That's direct marketing.
You go to a party and you see a SEXY girl across the room.
You give your friend a tenner.
He goes up and says "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, what about it?".
That's advertising.
You go to a party, you see a SEXY girl across the room.
She comes over and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed, what about it?"
That, apparently, is the power of Public Relation.

They've got that comfortable place on their shoulder that's perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep.
They're at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness.
They're enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we're not.
They're beyond enthusiastic about sex.
They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall.
Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek.
Bravery around snakes, waterbugs, bats and flat tires.
Their unapologetic lust for a nice hunk of beef or chocolate cake.
Their ability to solve problems simply by throwing a ball around.
The glimpse you get, when they wear their baseball cap backwards of their inner Little Leaguer.
How tender they get when they cry and how seldom they do it.
What they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action.
They make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys.
They really more...

If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker. If he is bald at the back, he is sexy. If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.

You're old when a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.

Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Hey, get a whiff of that one.
Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
This diamond is way too big.
I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
Wow, it really is 14 inches!
Does this make my butt look too small?
I'm wrong, you must be right again.
I think belching is really sexy.
Sure, I'd love for us to have three-way sex with my best friend.
Why don't you go out with your friends to see the strippers tonight?
I could never be with any other man, but I don't mind at all if you see other women.
I insist that you always put your mother before me.
I love a good cigar after sex.
I think we should spend our life savings and buy a big, old bass boat.
Move over, I'm driving. I love more...

Things You'll Never Hear A Woman Say
-What do you mean today's our anniversary?
-I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.
-Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being "just friends".
-The new girl in my office is a stripper...I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
-Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
-I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
-I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
-That was a great fart! Do another one!
-God..if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
-I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
-Can we not talk to each other tonight?
-I'd rather just watch TV.
-It's way tooo biggg, that'll never fit in my tight...
-Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!!
-I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
-And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!
-Honey, more...

Take notes, all you Casanovas...
1) NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hands on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp more...