Sgt Jokes / Recent Jokes

Letter Home From the Hillbilly in the Army

Dear Ma and Pa:

Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 5 a. m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave, but it ain't bad, they git warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kinda weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed gain. It aint no wonder these more...

A young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.'s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say's, "Why yes I am... you wanna wear my hat?" The boy nods and the hat is placed on his head. As the boy admired himself in the mirror, the bathroom door slammed open and an old Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt walked in. He was decked out in his Dress Blue Uniform, with medals down his chest. The boy, seeing the uniform asked him, "Hey, are you a Marine?" The Gunnery Sgt peared down at the boy and responded, "That's right! Why? Do wanna suck me off?" The boy replied nervously, "I-I-I'm not in the Army!! I'm just wearing his hat!!"Sent by Brian

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection." Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted." Give this man 30 dayscompassionate home leave." "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man." Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 dayscompassionate home leave," the Colonel barked. A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given thisman two compassionate home leaves?" "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies." Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks. The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."

The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field.
As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up
into the sky and tell me what you see."
The CO said "I see millions of stars."
1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"
CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells
me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"
1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. "Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave." "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. "Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked. A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?" "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies. "Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks. The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."