1st Jokes

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
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The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: more...

1st thief: Oh! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

One day there was a boy at school and his teacher told him to get 4 spelling words. 1st he went to his Brother and asked "Could you give me a spelling word?" His Brother answered "ShutUp" So he wrote down Shutup. 2nd he went to his Mother and asked her. She answered "Certainly" He wrote down certinly. 3rd he wen to his Dad and asked for somthing sweet. His dad answered Lolipop so he wrote down Lolipop. 4th he went to his little brother and asked the question. He answered "In my Little Blue Car" The next day he went to school and his teacher asked for the words. He said his 1st word Shutup. Then she asked "Do you want to go to the principles office?" He said is second word "Certainly". In the principals office the principal asked what do you think you deserve, the boy answered "Lolipop!!" Then the principal asked "What do you think your punishment should be?" The boy answered "To go in my Little Blue more...

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
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A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
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Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
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Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?
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Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school more...

3 scientists happen to meet each other by chance at a party, an American, a Russian, and a Pakistani.

They boast their country`s science achievements. The Russian says: We were the 1st ones in space,
the American says, we were the 1st to go to moon,
The Pakistani thinks hard and says: we will be 1st ones on the sun!

Both the American and Russian start laughing, and say to the Pakistani, you stupid the sun is too hot, your spaceship will burn b4 it reaches the sun.

The Pakistan scientist remains cool and calm, and says: You are stupid. We will go there at night!!!