3rd Jokes

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
---------------
Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
---------------
The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: more...

Three Sardars Who Work In The Same Office Notice That Their Boss Has Started Leaving Work Early Every Day. One Day They Decide That After He Leaves, They’ll Take Off Early, Too. After All, He Never Calls Or Comes Back, So How Will He Know? The 1st Sardar Is Thrilled To Get Home Early. He Does A Little Gardening, Watches A Movie And Then Goes To Bed Early. The 2nd Sardar Is Elevated To Be Able To Get In A Quick Workout At Her Health Club Before Meeting A Dinner Date. The 3rd Sardar Is Also Very Happy To Be Home Early, But As He Goes Upstairs He Hears Noises Coming From His Bedroom. He Quietly Opens The Door A Crack And Is Mortified To See His Wife In Bed With His Boss! Ever So Gently, He Closes The Door And Creeps Out Of His House. The Next Day, The Other Two Sardar Talk About Leaving Early Again, But When They Ask The 3rd Sardar If He Wants To Leave Early Also, He Exclaims, “No Way! Yesterday I Almost Got Caught! ”

This little boy goes to school to find that he has a substitute teacher. He sits down in his chair and the teacher comes back to him and ask's him what his name is. He replies, "My name's Bart, but my friends call me Fart and that really pisses me off." The teeacher says, "Now young man we don't use that kind of language in this school." Where do you live?" The little boy replies, "I live on 3rd street, but my friends call it turd street and that really pisses me off!" The teacher says, "That's it young man your going to have to go down to the principal's office."
he goes down to the principal's office and the pricipal is waiting for him. She's a pretty lady. She says, "You look like such an innocent child, what could you have done?" He says, "I don't know." She says, "Well, what's your name?" "My names Bart, but my friends call me Fart and that really pisses me off." She said, "That's it more...

On the bottom 3 rungs of hell are: Richard Nixon, 3rd from the bottom; Ronald Reagan, 2nd from hell's lowest rung; and George W. Bush, who actually doesn't have a rung, because when you're at the very bottom, you don't need one.

So Smirk's a little peeved about this, so he asks Tricky Dick, "Hey, Nixon, how come you're 3rd from the bottom, I mean, with Watergate and all?"

Nixon replies "Well, Watergate certainly was a scandal, and I am not a crook, but nobody, I mean nobody can say that I didn't do my own thinking. Hell, I did everybody's thinking, the stupid shits!"

So George W. says, "Well if you say so, but how' bout you Ronnie, for sure you never did your own thinking, Hell, Nancy had to consult the Ouija board to find out if you should pick your nose or pick somebody for a cabinet post."

Ronnie Ray-gun replies, "Well fella, that may be true, but at least I was elected. With a majority. Twice."

Raju was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip one day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'd have lost at least 5 kilos."
When Raju returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 10 kilos. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" Raju nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping!"