Maternity Jokes

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
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The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: more...

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
1st baby: more...

Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?""Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have someterrible news for you. It's disfigured.""Well, how bad is it? Can I see?""Follow me, sir."They head down a restricted corridor and come to the firstdoor. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms.Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child.Follow me, please."They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs.Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?""No mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me."Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all."Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?""Not your child, sir. Follow me."One more room left in the hall. Mister Smith more...

Yes, motherhood changes everything. But motherhood also changes with
each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child
differs from having your first:
Your Clothes
First baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
Second baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
Third baby: Your maternity clothes *are* your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
First baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and
writing combinations of all your favorites.
Second baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis,
right? It might as well be you.
Third baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your
finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
Preparing for the Birth
First baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
Second baby: You don't bother practising because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a more...

Here is a list of some funny signs found in actual businesses and homes!
Sign on an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on labor day.
On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
On a Maternity Room Door: Push, Push, Push"
Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action
Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
Scientist's Door: Gone Fission
Taxidermist Window: We really know our stuff.
Podiatrist's Window: Time wounds all heels.
Sign on Fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.
Hotel: Help! We need inn - experienced people.
Butcher's Window: Pleased to meat you.
Sign in an office: We more...