Infant Jokes

Jim decided to propose to Sandy. But prior to her acceptance, Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts the maturity of a 12 year old's.

He stated that it was okay, because he loved her so much. However, Jim felt this was the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said, "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant's, and I hope you can deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes. I will marry you and learn to live with your infant- sized penis."

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Jim rushed Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, and holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, "You told more...

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.
Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Jimmy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
Pastor Mike walked up to Jimmy and said, "Well, Jimmy, where did you get the little infant?"
Jimmy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
With a sheepish smile, Jimmy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it."

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
1st baby: more...

Via AP News
19 Year old Rebecca Sue Taylor of Charleston offered to sell her 5 month old baby for 10 grand to another woman after saying she was unable to bond with the infant and needed money for a new apartment.
"Unable to bond with the infant".. oh ok... so she tried... how can you blame her. "Yeah, the baby just doesnt love me back... but he's in like-new condition... you can have him for 10 thousand, or best offer... free shipping... all sales final... I'll even through in his favorite teddy bear."

Yes, motherhood changes everything. But motherhood also changes with
each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child
differs from having your first:
Your Clothes
First baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
Second baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
Third baby: Your maternity clothes *are* your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
First baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and
writing combinations of all your favorites.
Second baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis,
right? It might as well be you.
Third baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your
finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
Preparing for the Birth
First baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
Second baby: You don't bother practising because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a more...