"Pregnancy Differences" joke
Your Clothes -1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. -2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. -3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. The Baby's Name -1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites. -2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you. -3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points. Preparing for the Birth -1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. -2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. -3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. The Layette -1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. -2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. -3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they? Worries -1st baby: At the first sign of distress -- a whimper, a frown -- you pick up the baby. -2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. -3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. Activities -1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. -2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. -3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner. Going Out -1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times. -2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. -3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. At Home -1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. -2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. -3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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