Shadow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north, and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide ruler from his pocket, the patient calculates stuff rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man more...

Once upon a time deep in the depths of the sea a sad squid was laying on the sea-bed feeling very sorry for himself and poorly.
All of a sudden a large shadow appeared above him and looking up he saw a large shark.
"Hello squiddy" said the shark "You don't look too good what's the matter"?
"Oh I have to get my pension today and it's a long journey and I don't feel very well today every thing seems to much of an effort".
"No problem", said the shark "I will land on the sea bed and you can climb onto my back and we will be able to get you to the post office in no time".
The shark slowly landed next to the squid on the seabed and the squid climbed onto his back and hung on with his tenticles as the shark went off at a frightening speed for the squid.
After half an hour the shark slowed down and stopped.
All of a sudden everything went black above them and the shark and the squid looked up frightened, above them more...