Shakespearean Jokes

THE OFFICIAL DO-IT YOURSELF SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT

To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with' Thou':


Column 1. |. Column 2. |. Column 3

artless. |. base-court. |. apple-john
beslubbering. |. beef-witted. |. barnacle
bootless. |. beetle-headed. |. bladder
churlish. |. boil-brained. |. boar-pig
clouted. |. clay-brained. |. bum-bailey
craven. |. common-kissing. |. canker-blossom
dankish. |. dizzy-eyed. |. coxcomb
droning. |. doghearted. |. codpiece
fobbing. |. elf-skinned. |. flap-dragon
gleeking. |. flap-mouthed. |. foot-licker
goatish. |. fly-bitten. |. fustilarian
impertinent. |. fool-born. |. gudgeon
jarring. |. guts-griping. |. harpy
loggerheaded. |. half-faced. |. hedge-pig
mammering. |. hedge-born. |. hugger-mugger
mewling. |. idle-headed. |. lewdster
pribbling. |. ill-nurtured. |. more...

*The Hokey Pokey*
Original LyricsPut your left foot in,
Your left foot out,
Your left foot in,
And shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey
And turn yourself around
That's what it's all about.*The Hokey Pokey*
Shakespearean StyleO proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt.
Verily, I say,' tis what it's all about.

Original Lyric
Put your left foot in,
Your left foot out,
Your left foot in,
And shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey,
And turn yourself around
That's what it's all about.
Shakespearean Style.
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within,
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke;
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke - banish now thy doubt.
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

Tired of the overuse of four-letter words? Here's one solution:
Give your friends, family, and fellow students (who are abusers) this
Shakespearean Insult Kit to use as a suitable replacement when the
mood arises.


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THE OFFICIAL SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT
To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from
each of the three columns below, and preface it with' Thou':

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
artless base-court apple-john
bawdy bat-fowling baggage
beslubbering beef-witted barnacle
bootless beetle-headed bladder
churlish boil-brained boar-pig
cockered clapper-clawed bugbear
clouted clay-brained bum-bailey
craven common-kissing canker-blossom
currish crook-pated clack-dish
dankish dismal-dreaming clotpole
dissembling dizzy-eyed coxcomb
droning doghearted codpiece
errant dread-bolted more...