Shark Jokes

After many years at sea a pirate decided it was time to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job he thought that he could also collect disability insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agency assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related. "How did you get the wooden leg?" In a booming voice the pirate replied:
"WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: ME AND ME MATES WERE ON THE HIGH SEAS WHEN THE BOOM SHE SWANG 'ROUND AND KNOCKED ME INTO THE SEA WHERE A SHARK BIT OFF ME LEG."
"Well that is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand." In a booming voice the pirate replied:
"WELL MATEY, YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS: ME AND ME MATES WERE ON THE HIGH SEAS WHEN THE BOOM SHE SWANG 'ROUND AND KNOCKED ME INTO THE SEA WHERE A SHARK BIT OFF ME HAND."
"Well that is certainly work related. How did you lose your eye." In a more...

Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon!

Where do little fishes go every morning?
To plaice school!

What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
A motor pike!

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything!

1st kipper: `Smoking`s bad for you`
2nd kipper: `It`s OK, I`ve been cured`

What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather?
Skate!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbors?
A hermit crab!

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible!

Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide! Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
To the prawn broker!

What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can`t refuse?
The Codfather!

What happened to the shark that swallowed a bunch of keys?
He got more...

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big' ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked' em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. more...

Stupid People should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm stupid."
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California, our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, You moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week just to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big' ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock says, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked' em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel, there was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. There's only more...

Polish loan shark lends out all his money, skips town.