Sheep Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six. One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, it only takes one person to use a hammer.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to change the bulb, one to take care of the sheep, and one to observe and try to think why he isn't tending to the sheep's needs.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to drive their home to the hardware store and one to buy the bulb and screw it in.
Q: How many Norwegians does is take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the bulb and one to tell a long story about it...
Q: How many public opinion researchers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: With what degree of certainty do you need to know?
Q: How many Greenpeace researchers does it take to more...
A attractive brunette is is driving on a very narrow road in the country when she sees a flock of sheep blocking the middle of the road. She stops the car, gets out, and tries to shoo them out of the way. After nearly fifteen minutes of this, the sheep still show no signs that they intend to leave, so she gets out and goes to the nearby house, knocks on the door, and says to the farmer, "Hey! Get your sheep off the road or I'll.. I'll... I'll sue you. Yeah, that's it. I'll sue you!"
After thinking about it for a moment, she continued, "You know what? If you let me have one of the sheep, I won't sue you."
"Fine by me," said the farmer.
The brunette picks up a sheep and then the farmer says, "Look at you, all fancy from the city. You probably carry a fancy cell phone. You probably drink bottled water... Your boobs are probably even fake. In fact, I'll bet that you don't even have your original hair color. How's this - If I guess it right, more...
Jeff Foxworthy in the Middle ages
You know you're Castle Trash if...
Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvet Your daughter's chastity belt has rusted You can't afford a cod piece... nobody notices You have more sheep dogs than sheep You sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have... The plague improved your complexion... but only for a little while The Pope sends you to the Crusades... in Norway Your armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gum Your wife is stronger than your plow horse...but the horse is prettier The grail you brought home has "made in China" printed on the bottom Your wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdom You won "most improved " at the tournament They call your daughter made Marian Your family crest is a chicken with a banner that says "peace before discomfort" Your sheep seem strangely nervous around your oldest son
A missionary is sent into deepest darkest depths of Africa to live with atribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write andgood Christian values. One thing he particularly stresses is the evil ofsexual sin.? Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!? One day the wife of one of the Tribe? s noblemen gives birth to a white baby. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with themissionary. You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman givesbirth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot inour village. Anyone can see what? s going on here!? The missionary replies,? No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What youhave here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thyyonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one blackone. Nature does this on occasion.? The chief pauses for a moment then says,? Tell you what, you don? t sayanything about the sheep, I more...
A red head goes for a drive in the country and she has to stop as there is a farmer who is moving his sheep from one pasture to another across the road. She rolls down the window and says to the farmer, "If I can tell you the exact number of sheep that you have, can I keep one?"
The farmer figuring that a city girl would never be able to agreed.
The red head guesses the number and is 100% correct. I mean not off by one sheep.
The farmer is an honest man and tells her that she did guess the right number.
She gets out of her car, selects her animal and puts it in the car. Just before she drives away, the farmer asked her a question. "If I can tell you the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?"
A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on,
She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. she said to the farmer “If i can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one? ”
“ok” said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said “alright take one”
As she was walking back to her car the farmer said “If i can guess your natural hair colour can i have my dog back? ”
Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?
Why call it a building if it's already been built?
Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Does' virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
If the front of your car says' DODGE', do you really need a horn?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?