Sheet Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep.
Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.
"How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for a while."
Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"
The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start now!"

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee."How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!" "Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile."Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?" The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start now!"

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the
bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast
asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet
and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried down- stairs
for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and
his wife pouring coffee. "How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked.
"We were just making love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came
over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down
for awhile."
Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe
this happened. Why didn't you say something?" The mother-in-law
huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start now!"

One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna twopissa toast. She bring me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you nounderstand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no pisson plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla mesomma ma b*tch. Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy anatell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH! Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress shebring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock - Shetell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, Iwanna fock on table. She say you betta not fock on table you sonnama b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch. So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed. Icalla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go totoilet. So, I say, you no understand, I more...

ANNOUNCING THE LATEST IN TECHNOLOGY:
BUILT-IN ORDERLY ORGANIZED KNOWLEDGE (BOOK)

The BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected to or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover! Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere (even sitting in an armchair by the fire) yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc. Here's how it works...

Each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit process called binding, which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs in half.

Experts are divided concerning the prospects for further increases in information density; for more...

This is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class.
41. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.
42. Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.
43. Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S stands for "stud".
44. Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"
45. Disassemble your pen. "Accidently" propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.
46. Wink at the professor every few minutes.
47. In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.
48. Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.
49. Wear a black hooded more...

A new intern at heart&cross hospital was looking for an experienced doctor to sign off on him sending a patient to surgery.He saw a nicely tanned man giving orders to someone else so he walked up to him. "Could you sign this for me"? he asked.
The man signed the sheet and the intern thanked him and walked away.the next day the intern walked into the hospital and was informed by the security that he had been fired.the intern asked why.the security guard told him that he had sent a patient to surgery without having a doctor sign off on it.yes I did I had him sign it.he pointed to the man who he had sign the sheet who was now moping the floors. "Him"? asked the security guard. "That's Jorge the nicely tanned head-janitor".