Shirt Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. "Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?" she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, "Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?"
Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, "I know how to make them larger!"
"How?" she asks.
"Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs."
"Well, how long does it take?" she asks.
"They should expand over the years," he answers.
"How did you know that?" she wonders.
"I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?"
The Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry
You`re wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.
You`ve worn your sheets to school because you can`t get them off of you.
Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.
Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus.
The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.
The DEA`s drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.
Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.
The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans.
Your red T-shirt is now green.
The boss pulls you aside to remind you that more...
Your so fat that when you walk outside in a red shirt everyone Shouts 'Kool Aid, Kool Aid'
A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.
This continued several times before the man's curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer?" The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts looking good, I'm heading home!"
1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink, Don't Park - Accidents Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed. .. Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken. . Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My more...
A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and that they are all going to die. At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims, "I can't take this anymore! I can't just sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die, let me at least die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like woman?"
She sees a hand raise in the back, and a muscular man starts to walk up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt. She can see the man's muscles even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her, "I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?" Eagerly, she shakes her head and exclaims, "Yes!" The man hands her his shirt and says, "Here, iron more...
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him “every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket.
Why? ” The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home. ”