Shit Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy is at home with his parents but they start to have a fight. The mum says you bastard so the boy asks, what a bastard is, his mum says that its another name for husband. Then his dad says you bitch, the boy asks what a bitch is, his dad says that its another name for wife.
A few minutes later his mum is putting make-up on until she says shit because she has got it on her dress, again the boy asks, what shit means. His mm says that it means putting make-up. He goes downstairs where his dad is stuffing the chiccken until he gets his hand stuck and says fuck. Again the boy asks what it means. His dad says that it is another meaning for stuffing the chicken.
Not long after the mailman comes to the door and asks if his parents were home. The boy says yes and then the mailman asks where they are.
The boy says, the bitch is upstairs in the bedroom puuting shit on her face and the bastards in the kitchen fucking the chicken.

In an indian camp there lived an INDIAN chief who had a problem. .. he had constepation... so he send his apprentice to the medicine man to fetch some medicine.. which would unconstepate him!
The apprentice goes to the medicine man.. says BIG CHIEF NO SHIT! THE medicine man gives the boy a samll package saying. . this is strong medicine thats y only take in small quantiy.. ask chief to take this. .. the apprentice goes bak and gives it to the chief. .. who takes it happily. ..
But again the nextday the chief had no luk. the apprentice goes bak to the medicine man and says. . BIG CHIEF NO SHIT! medicine man gives a stronger dose this time. ... boy goes bak and hands it to the chief. .. again no luck so next day he goes back
says BIG CHIEF NO SHIT! the medicine man gives him the strongest dose. . and says give this to chief.. the boy returns and gives it to the chief. . who was now desperate...

The next day the boy returns saying "MEDICINE MAN MEDICINE more...

THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as' Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into more...

A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try.
The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.
The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.
So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How more...

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!"

A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman.
After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odour coming from the direction of the drunk.
She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?"
The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself."
The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"
The drunk says, "'Cos I'm not finished yet..."

there was a little kid named jr and he hurd is sisther say bicth and he asked is sisther what does bicth mean and his sisther said it means a old lady and then he hurd is dad say shit and he asked hid dad what does shit mean and he said food and then he hurdd hid mom say fuck and he asked hid mom wat does fuck mean and she said when your changing your close so his grandma came to hid house and he esaid come in bicth there is shit on thee table and my parrnts are fucking up stars