Shock Jokes / Recent Jokes

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting near his pad.
Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?
Indian: Dog no talk.
Cowboy: Hey dog, how's it going?
Dog: Doin' all right.
Indian: [Extreme look of shock]
Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]
Dog: Yep
Cowboy: How's he treating you?
Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.
Indian: [look of disbelief]
Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse?
Indian: Horse no talk.
Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going?
Horse: Cool.
Indian: [extreme look of shock]
Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]
Horse: Yep
Cowboy: How's he treating you?
Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.
Indian: [total look of amazement]
Cowboy: Mind if I talk to more...

These three friends, a Dentist, a Carpenter, and an Electrician were sitting around trying to decide what prank to pull on a mutual friend. Their friend was getting married soon, and his good buddies just felt compelled to play some prank, as all good buddies would.After sitting around brainstorming for a while, the Electrician had a thought, "I know! I know! I can wire the bed so that when our friend and his new bride sit on it and touch one another, they'll get a good shock."The Carpenter perked up and added, "and I can rig the bed so that when they get shocked and jump apart, the bed will collapse."The Dentist just sat in silence, because he couldn't think of a thing to do.After the fortunate couple's wedding and honeymoon, the groom called his friends together for a chat. He said to them, "Well, when we sat on the bed and got a shock, it wasn't that bad. And then when we jumped apart and the bed fell in, we had a good laugh. But who's bright idea was it to more...

Ventriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch.Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him? Indian: Dog no talk.Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going? Dog: Doin alright.Indian: [extreme look of shock]Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]Dog: YepCowboy: How's he treat you? Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes meto the lake once a week to play.Indian: [look of disbelief]Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse? Indian: Horse no talk.Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going? Horse: Cool.Indian: [extremer look of shock]Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]Horse: YepCowboy: How's he treat you? Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes medown often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.Indian: [total look of amazement]Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep? Indian: Sheep Lie!!

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a more...

One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate.
At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain.
It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole.
She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard.
In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe.
Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent more...

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun...
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
Indian: shows extreme look of shock
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at Indian.
Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: shows look of disbelief
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? "pointing at Indian.
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: more...

My wife shouted upstairs, "The sun's just come out."
I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs.
I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.