Shocked Jokes / Recent Jokes

One summer spring afternoon little Timmy wanted to use the little boys room, to his suprise when he walked in his mommy was taking a bath and humming away to her suprise seeing little timmy who was only three she tries to cover herself as fast as she could, but little timmy being curious as he was ask mommy,
what is that black mushy thingy just under her belly button, as shocked as she was she replys comly, " now Timmy thats mommy's sponge." That was a reasonable answer for a curious little timmy so he wonders off to his daily activities, The summer rolls around and Timmy was on his way to the little boys room,
and to his suprise he runs in to mommy in the shower and this time something was different to his eyes so he asks, " mommy where is ur sponge?" As shocked as she was she replys, "Timmy I lost it when I cleanded the bathroom last week. timmy sadened by this promises his mother that he would do every thing to
find her the sponge. Later that more...

There's an Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.
The Englishman says: "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes!
The Scotsman says: "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other days when I found a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank!"
With that the Irishman says: "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy!"

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange looking fish.A man was walking by and said, "WOW! What a nice Gauddam Fish!"
The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain." The man said, "But that's the SPECIES of the fish - a Gauddam Fish." The sister said, "Oh, ok."
The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior,
look at the Gauddam Fish I caught."
Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that."
The nun said, "That's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish."
So the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it."
While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and Mother
Superior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sister
caught."
Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn"t talk like that!"
Mother Superior said, more...

A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of and facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked but if it would help solve her problem she thought she had better do what the doctor said. As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs and when she did he put his head between them and rested his chin right on her private parts. After a few moments and some very positive' yes, yes' type noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again. Afterwards, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main cause of her problem was just that she was drinking far too much liquid before going to bed.
"So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?" "Well," said the more...

A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class.
He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that there is no God, the expression "One Nation Under God", was unconstitutional, and further, he was going to prove there is no God.
Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent.
You could have heard a pin fall.
Ten minutes went by.
Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
His countdown got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tail over teacup from his lofty platform.
The professor was out cold!
At first the students were shocked and babbled in confusion.
The young Marine took a seat in the front more...

There's an Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.
The Englishman says: "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes!
The Scotsman says: "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other days when I found a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank!"
With that the Irishman says: "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy!"

Recruits were shocked at the language the sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one young soldier asked: "Sergeant, where did you le-arn your language?" "Learnit, hell, it's a gift," proudly informed the NCO.