Shop Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day whena young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered hisbutcher shop and confronted him with the news that thebaby was his and asked what was he going to do aboutit? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat untilthe boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting themeat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow.""I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've beencounting too, tell your mother, when you take thisparcel of meat home, that it is the last free meatshe'll get, and watch the expression on her face."When the boy arrived home he told his mother. Thewoman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcherand tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch theexpression on HIS face!"

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and says, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, follow that guy and see where he goes." When the friend returns, the barber says, "Well, where did he go when he left here?" The friend looks up and says, "To your house, to screw your wife."

A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and placeshis tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: "I'm sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop." "Well, put two hands and a face on this." replies the man.

He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The shop assistant saw which parrot he had picked out and said, "That parrot repeats everything he hears." "That's alright," the man replied. So the man bought the parrot and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber. The cop hollered to his partner, "Shoot him down, shoot him down!" Then the parrot said, "Shoot him down, shoot him down!" They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen. The man said, "Pop it up, pop it up!" The parrot said, "Pop it up, pop it up!" They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, "Hit a big one, win a prize!" The parrot said, "Hit a big one, win a prize!" Then they walked into a church and sat down. The minister was in the middle of the sermon. He said, "The Lord is above more...

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog more...

A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown an especially fine one which he liked the look of, but he was puzzled by the two strings which were tied to its feet. "What are they for?" he asked the pet shop manager. "Ah well, sir," came the reply, "that's a very unusual feature of this particular parrot. You see, he's a trained parrot, sir, he used to be in the circus. If you pull the string on his left foot he says' Hello' and if you pull the string on his left foot he says' Goodbye'." "And what happens if you pull both strings at once?" "I fall off my perch, you fool!" screeched the parrot.

In his youth, Frank was in good shape. But about 10 years ago he started gaining weight, and became quite obese.
Frank decided to loose weight. He worked hard, passed up desserts and excessive food in spite of the difficulty in doing so, and gradually went back to his former weight.
Again being slim, Frank decided to try on an old suit he hadn't been able to wear for years. It looked great. But he noticed something in the pocket. It was a ticket from a local shoe repair shop.
Frank didn't remember taking any shoes to be repaired, but he decided to take in the ticket to see if they still had his shoes.
The next day he walked in the door of the repair shop, and handed the clerk the ticket. After disappearing behind a curtain for several minutes, the clerk came out and announced, "They will be ready next Tuesday."