Shopping Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a German and a shopping trolley? A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

The remaining local ranchers headed by the cattle baroness Clare D Looney
eventually monopolized the stock business to the point where the only
competition( two Chinese immigrants - Lu Chim and Wu Ni) were forced to take
drastic, but traditional action.
The stock kings were hung by Chim & Ni, with Clare.

Those modified sisters maintained strange yearnings from their previous selves
and devised a plan to satisfy their impulses. On Christmas eve they planned to
get Santa stuck in the chimney with his tender parts exposed in the fireplace.
Why?
In hope that St Nick soon would be theirs.
Both by Gary Reeves
=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to
check out Verdi good bargains and can still get gifts Faure good price, not
have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you
don't want.
By Marsha in more...

50 things to do at Walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to deuls with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volume up to 10!
12. Play with the automatic more...

Judi was walking by the jewelry store one day in the midtown mall. She saw a diamond bracelet that she really liked. In the store she went.“Excuse me,” she said to the sales lady behind the counter, “Will a small deposit
hold that bracelet until my husband does something unforgivable?”

Rivkah sprang to answer the telephone.
"Darling, How are you? This is Mommy." "Oh Mommy," Rivkah said crying, "I'm having a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't work. I've sprained my ankle and I'm hobbling around. On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have the Minkys and the Rokens for dinner tonight. I haven't even had a chance to go shopping." The voice on the other end said in sympathy, "Darling, let Mommy handle it. Sit down, relax and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook your dinner. I'll feed the baby and I'll call an engineer I know who'll fix your washing machine. Now stop crying. I'll even call your husband David at the office and tell him he should come home to help out for once." "David?" said Rivkah. "Who's David?" "Why, David' s your husband....Is this 555-3749?" "No, this is more...

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it!
Get out of the car you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad more...

Little Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms. His dad said," Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"

Johnny said, "No!!"

Johnny's dad said, "Well, there's your answer."

Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios. His dad, again, said, "Can you touch your asshole with your dick?"

Johnny said, "No!!"

His dad said, "Well, there's your answer."

At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny's dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket. Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!!

His dad said, "Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?"

Johnny asked, " Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"

Johnny's dad said, more...