Shopping Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small note-books?""Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?""Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"The manager shrugs, "Sorry.""Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman."Nope. Don't have that.""Wow!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you should close the stupid store!"The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key."

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened", countered the prisoner.

WalMart is pushing organics to help keep their door greeters alive a few more years than expected.

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."

A Sort Of Christmas Carol
(To the tune of Silver Bells)
Jingle bell, it's not so swell when you can't afford a gift.
Shopping malls are hollow halls, I'm shopping at the Thrift.
See the pawnshops, hear the teeth crunch, in nightmarish anxiety.
In the air there's a feeling of hopelessness.
Checks were cashing, then were dashing, off to spend, it's so obscene.
Hoping for more overtime.
Jingle Bell, what is that smell, oh, it's Hillary's toe.
Ringaling, is a circus thing, and were all part of the show.
People bitching, salesman pitching, there's no reason to smile.
For this I parked and had to walk a mile.
Dodge shopping carts at Wal-Marts, filled with Japanese trash.
In the Express Line price-checks and no cash.
Jingle Bell, can go to hell, Do not give to the poor.
For if you do, soon you'll need it too, and there won't be anymore.

Girl Scout Cookies go on sale tomorrow. If you want to have some fun when they come to the door, ask for a sample and tell them, "This doesn't taste anything like Girl Scout."

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell,' 'I need some tampons!!''
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible' 'Sex and Candy''
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,' 'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to' '10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say,' 'Hi! I more...