Shopping Jokes / Recent Jokes

Women's Lifestyles Through the Ages

AGE... DRINK
17... Winecoolers
25... White wine
35... Red wine
48... Dom Perignon
66... Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17... Need to wash my hair
25... Need to wash and condition my hair
35... Need to color my hair
48... Need to have Francois color my hair
66... Need to have Francois color my wig

FAVORITE SPORT
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping

FAVORITE DRUG
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17... "Burger King"
25... "Free meal"
35... "A diamond"
48... "A bigger diamond"
66... "Home Alone"

FAVORITE FANTASY
17... tall, dark and handsome
25... tall, dark and more...

1. "Can I help you get a size?"
(Don't touch that, I just spent an hour folding it and I don't need your hands messing it up again.) 2. "Do you need help with anything?"
(Quick, my manager is coming around the corner and I need to look busy.) 3. "Welcome to (Store Name Here)"
(Good, another customer to mess up my entire store just to buy a pair of socks.) 4. "Have a nice day!"
(Now that you ruined mine.) 5. "Thank you for shopping at (Store Name Here)"
(Thanks for emptying your wallet with us!) 6. "Do you need a shopping cart to help you carry your items?"
(The more you can carry, the more you can buy!) 7. "I love your shirt! Where did you get it?"
(Your shirt is much nicer than the clothes we sell here. Why are you even shopping here?) 8. "Can I help you get something down?"
(I'll get a ladder and put it up for you since this other nice customer put in the absolute wrong more...

Mama goes shopping and scrutinizes everything. Here is how her shopping went..Mama: "I don't like the looks of this whitefish."Merchant: "Lady, for looks you don't buy whitefish; you buy goldfish."Mama: "Oy, and this chicken, it has a broken leg."Merchant: "Look lady, you gonna eat it or dance with it?"Mama: "And before you weigh the meat, take out the bones."Merchant: "Lady, I buy with bones; you'll buy with bones."Mama: "I don't pay with bones."Merchant: "All right, no bones."Mama: "Thank you, you are a gentleman. Now put the bones in a separate bag for soup. And never mind the meat. I don't like your meat anyhow."

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Differences Between Men & Women NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left more...

The two commuters were talking on the train.' I was going to go to the Test Match on Saturday,' said one,' but you know how crowded the trains get, then there's the struggle to get in, and there's always the chance it might rain and. . . '

'I know,' said the other.

'I've got to go shopping with the wife, too!'

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, “My Sin”, “Desire”, and “Ecstasy”. She says to the salesperson, “I don't want to get emotionally involved...I just want to smell nice.”