"Lifestyles of Men and Women" joke

Women's Lifestyles Through the Ages

AGE... DRINK
17... Winecoolers
25... White wine
35... Red wine
48... Dom Perignon
66... Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17... Need to wash my hair
25... Need to wash and condition my hair
35... Need to color my hair
48... Need to have Francois color my hair
66... Need to have Francois color my wig

FAVORITE SPORT
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping

FAVORITE DRUG
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17... "Burger King"
25... "Free meal"
35... "A diamond"
48... "A bigger diamond"
66... "Home Alone"

FAVORITE FANTASY
17... tall, dark and handsome
25... tall, dark and handsome with money
35... tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48... a man with hair
66... a man

HOUSE PET
17... Muffy the cat
25... Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35... Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48... Children from his first marriage and Muffy theCat
66... Retired husband who dabbles in taxidermy and stuffs Muffy the Cat

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17... 17
25... 25
35... 35
48... 48
66... 66

IDEAL DATE
17... He offers to pay
25... He pays
35... He cooks breakfast the next morning
48... He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66... He can chew breakfast

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Men's Lifestyles Through the Ages

DRINK at age...
17... Beer
25... Beer
35... Scotch
48... Double scotch
66... Maalox

SEDUCTION LINE at age...
17... My parents are away for the weekend.
25... My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35... My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48... My wife is away for the weekend.
66... My second wife is dead.

FAVORITE SPORT at age...
17... Sex
25... Sex
35... Sex
48... Sex
66... Napping

FAVORITE DRUG at age...
17... Pot
25... Cocaine
35... Really good cocaine
48... Power
66... Advil

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE at age...
17... Cop a feel
25... Breakfast
35... She didn't set back my therapy
48... I didn't bump into her kids.
66... An actual erection

FAVORITE FANTASY at age...
17... Thirdbase
25... Airplane sex
35... Menage a trois
48... Taking her company public
66... Swiss maid and/or Nazi love slave

HOUSE PET at age...
17... Roaches (to be burned later)
25... Old college roommate
35... Irish setter
48... Children from her first marriage
66... Barbi

THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED at age...
17... 25
25... 35
35... 48
48... 66
66... 17

IDEAL DATE at age...
17... Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25... Split the check before we go back to my place
35... Just come over
48... Just come over and cook
66... Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas to see Frank