Shorts Jokes / Recent Jokes
The first of the semi-legendary "I Am Drugs" shorts created for my short lived sketch group The Decline and Fall Of Saturday Night. Jeff Dickinson is the perfect spokesman for capital "A" Alcohol, which you can see above. Other drug PSA's include Weed (Dave Baldwin), Heroin (Diane O'Debra), PCP (Matt Preskenis), and Dimethyltryptamine-42 (Sean Crespo). The shorts uploaded here are the versions currently airing on FUSE network's show "Munchies," minus the music we were originally using, R.E.M.'s I Am Superman. Directed/Edited by Alan Harris. Written by Sean Crespo/Matt Preskenis. a DRINK AT WORK production
A guy and girl meet at a bar and are instantly attracted to each other. They party all night and at the end decide to go back to his place to continue. Once there, they get passionate and start to make out. When the time is right, the girl finds the bedroom, gets undressed and gets under the covers, waiting for the guy who is now coming out of the bathroom. The guy walks in, starts to undress and stops with just his shorts on. He reaches into his pants pocket, pulls out a magic marker and hands it to her. She takes one look at it an says, "What's this for? Are you some kinda pervert?" He looks at her, drops his shorts and smiles kinda sexy. She smiles, her eyes now wide open and staring in disbelief at his johnson which hangs more that halfway to his knees. He breaks her spell by saying, "Your gonna have to draw a line somewhere, baby."
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that? " she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked,... her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."
Q: Why does Bill Clinton wear boxer shorts?
A: To warm his ankles.
Rules for Buying Gifts for Men
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey more...