Shower Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.*Ting-a-ling*"Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate, slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:*Ting-a-ling*"Joseph, Joseph,"sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the final candidate. Nothing. She writhes up and down against his body. No response. Finally, more...

A man wakes up every morning and takes a shower, shaves and goes to work. One morning, the man wakes up with an erection looks at the clock and sees he is late for work. so the man skips the shower and shaves, while he is shaving he drops the razor and cuts off his penis.
his penis looks up at him and says "fourty years of fist fighting and you pull a knife?"

What to do With Hotel Soap

The following letters were taken from an actual incident
between a London hotel and one of its guests.

Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear more...

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the
Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy
Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them
to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer
costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first
candidate.
*Ting-a-ling*
"Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed
in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and
pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.
The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate,
slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil
drops:
*Ting-a-ling*
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable
to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower
and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the more...

As you know there is art of writing - and a matching art in reading. When this art is applied into travel brochures you will get this. Without wishing to suggest that the following translations always apply, nonetheless you might find the following terms to be of very amusing............... Brochure Term Translation
Pre-registered rooms Already occupied
Deluxe Standard
Standard Substandard
Light and airy No air conditioning
Majestic setting A long way from town
Picturesque Theme park nearby
Tropical Rainy
Options galore Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway Impossible to find or get to
Explore on your own Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip hosts They've flown before
No extra fees No extras
Nominal charge Outrageous charge
Superior Two free shower caps
All the amenities One free shower cap
Plush Top and bottom sheets
Gentle breezes Gale-force winds
Open bar Free ice cubes

Three young Irish candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: the Celibacy Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis. In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.
*Ting-a-ling* "Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go now and take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness."
The candidate leaves.
The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate, slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops: *Ting-a-ling*
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the final candidate. Nothing. She writhes up and down more...

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (no)
4. Turn on the water.
5. Check for pecs again. (no)
6. Get in the shower.
7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)
8. Wash your face.
9. Wash your armpits.
10. Wash your penis and surrounding area.
11. Wash your ass.
12. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.
15. Pee
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.
17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.