Side Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man has a car wreck and they have to amputate his brain.So the nurse takes him to the brain transplant wearhouse.On one side of the shelves are lined with brains marked $500.00 each. On the other side the shelves are lined with brains marked $200.00 each.The brainless man asks why the price differece.The nurse points to the $200.00 brains and explains that these are female brains, so they've been used.

Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home.
At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair. Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up.
A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right.
Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side.
Then he starting leaning forward.
This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair.
About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?"
"It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart!"

A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head.They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man.While in the act she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go....YEEOOOOOOOUCH!

I grew up in a very conservative town where the promise rings and class rings were often sold side by side. So the girls were basically saying, “Mom and Dad, I promise not to be a slut until I graduate.”

A lorry driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. A ways down the road the lorry driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck on a direct course with the lawyer. Then he thought' Oh no, I have a priest in the truck I can't run down this lawyer' and at the last second the lorry driver swerved to miss the lawyer.
But, the lorry driver heard a thump outside of the lorry, he looked in his rear-view mirror but didn't see anything.
He turned to the priest and said' Sorry Father, I just missed that Lawyer at the side of the road' And the priest said' Don't worry son, I got him with my door'

Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.

Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.

Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.

Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.

Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.

Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.

Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.

Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.

Death: part of the innings in more...

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your right side is
a
guard
rail and on your left side is a fire engine traveling at the same
speed
as
you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your
car.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same
speed
as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous
situation?
Answer: Scroll Down
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Get off the carousel and next time don't drink so much.