Silence Jokes / Recent Jokes
A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, "All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!" A sudden silence descends.After a moment he asks "Anyone got a problem with that?" The silence lengthens.He then chugs back another beer and growls, "And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!" Once again, the bar is silent.He looks around belligerently and roars, "Anyone got a problem with that?" A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man."You got a problem, buddy?" "Oh no; I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."
A White man is walking on a beach. He finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie pops out, "Look I've been in there for 300 years, I don't want to hear a damn thing right now, just think it and it'll happen." 2 seconds pass in silence *poof* They're both sitting in a mansion, 5 seconds of silence passes *poof* naked women all over the mansion 10 seconds pass and *poof* nothing happens but the genie disappears. 10 minutes later there is a knock at the door. It's mob of KKK and they grab the man and lynch him. Meanwhile the genie is speaking to God and tell's him, "They still want the same thing, Big Mansions and Naked Women - But this last wish I got was a little odd, He wanted to be hung like a black man."
A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, "All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!" A sudden silence descends.
After a moment he asks "Anyone got a problem with that?" The silence lengthens.
He then chugs back another beer and growls, "And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!" Once again, the bar is silent.
He looks around belligerently and roars, "Anyone got a problem with that?" A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.
"You got a problem, buddy?"
"Oh no; I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."
The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didnt get along. After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, " I dont like Chinese. "The F. O. replied, " Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why is that? " The Captain said, " You bombed Pearl Harbor. Thats why I dont like Chinese. "The F. O. said, " Nooooo, noooo. .. Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That JAPANESE, not Chinese. "And the Captain answered, " Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese. .. it doesnt matter. Theyre all alike. "Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer said, " No like Jew. "The Captain replied, " Why not? Why dont you like Jews? "" Jews sink Titanic. " Said the F. O. The Captain tried to correct him, " No, no. The Jews didnt sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg. "" Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg. . no mattah. . all more...
The hearing test
Maurice and Sarah were getting old and Maurice felt his wife was losing her hearing.
He decided to stage a test. One day, as Sarah read the paper, he stood a distance behind her chair and said, in a conversational voice, "Can you hear me?" Silence.
He moved towards her. He was now 6 feet away. "Can you hear me?" Still silence.
Finally, he moved directly behind her chair and bent over, just inches from her ear "Can you hear me?"
Sarah replied "For the third time, Maurice, Yes I can!"
At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow
of silence. Only at Christmas, and only by one monk, and only
with one sentence, is the vow allowed to be broken.
One Christmas, Brother Thomas is allowed to speak and he says, "I
like the mashed potatoes we have with the Christmas turkey!" and
he sits down. Silence ensues for 365 days.
The next Christmas, Brother Michael gets his turn, and he says "I
think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I hate them!"
Once again, silence for 366 days (it's leap year). The following
Christmas, Brother Paul rises and says, "I am fed up with this
constant bickering!"