Silence Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
The hunters "A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do? The operator, in a calm soothing voice says:

A large group of Pakistani soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a Indian voice call from behind a sand dune. "One Indian Army soldier is better than ten Pakistanis."
The Pakistani commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Indian Army soldier is better than fifty Pakistanis."
Furious, the Pakistani commander sends his next best 50 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The Indian voice calls out again "One Indian Army soldier is better than one hundred Pakistanis."
The enraged Pakistani Commander musters one hundred of his best fighters and sends then across the dune. Gunfire, grenades, machine gun fire, rockets, etc. ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Pakistani fighter crawls back over the dune more...

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten taliban".
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred taliban".
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand taliban".
The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more more...

Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?"
After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!"
At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there
was silence for about ten seconds.
Then a small voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?"

One morning while she was making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said,' 'You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle.'' While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said,' 'You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra.''

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said,' 'You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardner, the poolman and your brother.

Heard this from a friend:
A middle-class man decides to go off and join a monastery which
requires an oath of silence. No speech is allowed except for
two words every 5 years, to sum up one's experiences to the head
monk.
After the first 5 years, the monk asked him what two words described
his experiences and all he said was "HARD BEDS."
When the next 5 year period came, the monk asked how things were
and he replied "BAD FOOD."
After 5 more years, he walked up to the monk and said, "I QUIT!"
The monk nodded and muttered "Yes, this doesn't surprise me.
You've been doing nothing but complaining for the past 15 years!"