Silence Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father: Did Paul bring you home last night? Daughter: Yes, it was late. Daddy. Did the noise disturb you? Father: No, My Dear, it wasn't the noise. It was the silence.

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor presented the following logic:
"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class seen God?"
When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:
"Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain?" Absolute silence.
"Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?"
When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor's more...

One night recently, my phone rang several times throughout the evening. Each time, a woman's voice asked for Ben. Each time I
politely explained that I lived alone, my name wasn't Ben, and she had a wrong number. The fifth time she called, I had had enough."Hello?" I said."Can I speak to Ben, please?"I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?""Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded."I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."Silence on the other end... a confused silence."Is this Steve?""Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?""Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice.I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago and said that he would be back at 10:00."A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!""The girl he went out with.""I know that! I mean... more...

There was a Chinese pilot and a Jewish pilot on a flight to NYC. For some reason, they weren't too fond of one another, and there was a long, tense silence that accompanied them on their trip. Finally, the Jewish pilot said something to the Chinese pilot:
"I don't like the Chinese. They bombed Pearl Harbor."
"No, no, no," said the Chinese man. "That was the Japanese."
"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, same thing."
Another half hour of tense silence.
The Chinese pilot finally said to the Jewish pilot, "I don't like the Jews. They sank the Titanic."
"No, no, no! That was an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, same thing."

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other.
One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen yrs. old--who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a very mature looking man in his mid-forties who was a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.
As these four strangers travelled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin.
In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts. The older lady was more...

At night someone knocks on the door. Jeeto wakes up and asks:
"Santa, is that you?"
Silence. She returns to bed. Again a knock.
"Santa, don't make me nervous, is that you?"
Silence. She waits a while then returns to bed. Again a knock. She opens the door to find her drunken husband, Santa, standing there.
"You moron! I was asking if it was you, why weren't you answering???"
"I was nodding you!!!"