Similar Jokes / Recent Jokes

While waiting in the doctor's waiting room, two very nervous men got to talking. Within minutes, they discovered that they had very similar symptoms. One had a red ring around the base of his penis, and the other had a green ring. The guy with the red ring was examined first.
In a few minutes, he came out of the examining room and was all smiles. Going over to the other fellow, he said, "Don't worry, it's nothing."
Very relieved, the second guy entered the examining room, only to be told by the doctor, "I'm very sorry, but you have an advanced case of VD. I'm afraid you'll have to be castrated."
Turning white, the young man gasped, "But the first guy... he said it was no big deal!"
"Well, young man," the doctor said, "there's a huge difference between gangrene and lipstick!"

How are a husband and a cat similar when it comes to housework?
They're both afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

How are a husband and a cat similar when it comes to housework? They're both afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

Study Finds Female Beauty Is Male Drug
Brain scans show a man's reaction to seeing beautiful women is similar
to an addict's when he get his fix.
The study seems to be proof feminine beauty affects the male brain at
its most basic level.
Pictures of attractive women activated the same reward circuits in the
brains of heterosexual men as food and cocaine.
The study may help prove we are born knowing what is beautiful and what
is not.
Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and a
co-author
of the study, said: "This is hard-core circuitry. Beauty is working
similar to a drug."
In a second, related study, men were shown random pictures of women for
several seconds, but could extend or cut the viewing time by pressing
keys on a keypad.
Attractive women were viewed an average of 8. 7 seconds while others
were
viewed for 5. 2 seconds.
The men worked frantically to keep more...

In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.
The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying "See the guts !"
Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds. The soldier did as he was told.
When he came back from the water the German said, "See the guts."
Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man, Santa and asked him to take five similar rounds.
Santa promptly replied, "Am I your dad's servant?"
At this the general proudly said "See the guts".

Skydiving and scuba are similar, skydivers just run out of air faster.

Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons.
Billclintium Bc
With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water.
Canadium Eh
Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called Boron.
Innofensium Pc
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons, quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.
Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.
Quaylium Vp
Einsteinium it ain't.
Budweisium Ps
Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.
Cabmium Cb
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion and at more...