Simple Jokes / Recent Jokes

It's really quite a simple choice:
life, death or Los Angeles.
-Ashleigh Brilliant

If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand.

To Whom It May Concern:
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult in order to accept the responsibilities of a 6 year old. The tax base is lower. I want to be six again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think it's the best place in the world to eat. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make waves with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money' cause you can eat them. I want to play kickball during recess and stay up on Christmas Eve waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof.
I long for the days when life was simple. When all you knew were your colors, the addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but it didn't bother you because you didn't know what you didn't know, and you didn't care.
I want to go to school and have snack time, recess, gym, and field trips. I want to be happy because I don't know what should make me upset. I want to think the world is fair, and everyone in it is honest and good. I want to believe that more...

To Whom It May Concern

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult in
order to accept the responsibilities of a 6 year old.

The tax base is lower. I want to be six again. I want to go to
McDonald's and think it's the best place in the world to eat. I
want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make waves with
rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money' cause you can
eat them. I want to play kickball during recess and stay up on
Christmas Eve waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof. I
long for the days when life was simple. When all you knew were
your colors, the addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but
it didn't bother you because you didn't know what you didn't know,
and you didn't care.

I want to go to school and have snack time, recess, gym, and field
trips. I want to be happy because I don't know what should make
me upset. I want to think the world more...

Three simple rules of survival:1. Don’t take the name of Chuck in vain2. When in the presence of Chuck, avert your eyes, lest you recieve a roundhouse kick to the face3. When camping, bring toilet paper

When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend's father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter's chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamondsNow, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best ot make my daughter's suitors feel even worse. My motto: wilt them in the living room and they'll stay wilted all night." So," I'll call out jovially. "I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you're STUPID, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?" As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room. Rule one: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking more...

From an interview with a millionaire:
"What is your secret to making money?"
"Quite simple. Before entering business I observed that most of the sales profits are generally lost in the handling of complaints and refunds. So I made my decision to try to eliminate these expenses."
"I can say that's quite a big task!"
"Not for me. I simply started selling parachutes."