Simply Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.
8. Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are...You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
9. The five most essential more...
Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees traveling on company business.
TRANSPORTATION
Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Sacramento but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Denver, then travel to Denver will be substituted for travel to Sacramento.
Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued safety vest inside out, and you will notice that it now says "VALET PARKING ATTENDANT" over the left breast pocket. more...
Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates...INSTRUCTIONSAnaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don't forgetsome ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top ofyour list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.Statistically, among those women, there will be at least:* 0.5 Miss Worlds,* 2.5 supermodels,* 463 wild nymphos,* 3,234 good-looking nymphos,* 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms,* and 40,198 bi-sexual women.In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, andtastier than the miserable old cow you posted off. And, best of all, youroriginal package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER!!! One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of hisfriends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he senther off in, with the same old migraine more...