Sin Jokes / Recent Jokes

The girl knelt in the confessional and said,"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirrorand tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn'ta sin... it's simply a mistake."

"I've had it with my wife." said the one drinking buddy to the other. "I'm filing for an divorce." "Sorry to hear that pal." said his partner. "May I ask why?" "I found her supply of birth control pills." said the first." Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin." "It ain't just that." stormed Frank. "I had a vasectomy over five years ago."

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most more...

Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"....." What have you done Tommy O'Connor" said the Priest. "I had sex with a girl""Who was it Tommy?" "I cannot tell you Father, please forgive me for my sin." "Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No Father, please forgive me for my sin." "Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No Father, I cannot tell you, please forgive me." "Well then, was it Sarah Martha O'Keefe?" "No Father, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay Tommy, go say 5 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers and you will be forgiven." So Tommy walked out to the pew where his friend Joseph was waiting... "What did you get?" asked Joseph. "Well, I got 5 Hail Marys, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads!"

10. Marrying a blond is a sin. Making love to a blond is a partial sin. 9. Pre-marital sex is a sin. Marital sex is a partial sin. 8. Taking dowry is a sin. Giving dowry is a partial sin. 7. Bullying one's wife is a sin. Having to submit is a partial sin. 6. Gambling is a sin. Playing cards is a partial sin. 5. Drinking is a sin. Smoking is a partial sin. 4. Eating beef is a sin. Eating pork is a partial sin. 3. Hurting a cow is a sin. Hurting insects is a partial sin. 2. Not phoning home is a sin. Running up a huge bill is a partial sin. 1. Forgetting first language is a sin. Speaking with an accent is a partial sin.

A HARYANVI peasant was given to gambling. Much as his wife nagged himinto giving up the bad habit, she failed. Ultimately she decided to put down her foot. "As from today there will be no gambling in this house. Gambling is a sin," she announced.

"How can it be a sin?" her husband protested'.

"Men have been gambling since the times of the Mahabharat. Nobody called them sinful."

"Okay, if you want to follow the heroes of the Mahabharat, I can do the same. Remember, Draupadi had five husbands."

10. Marrying a blond is a sin. Making love to a blond is a partial sin.

9. Pre-marital sex is a sin. Marital sex is a partial sin.

8. Taking dowry is a sin. Giving dowry is a partial sin.

7. Bullying one's wife is a sin. Having to submit is a partial sin.

6. Gambling is a sin. Playing cards is a partial sin.

5. Drinking is a sin. Smoking is a partial sin.

4. Eating beef is a sin. Eating pork is a partial sin.

3. Hurting a cow is a sin. Hurting insects is a partial sin.

2. Not phoning home is a sin. Running up a huge bill is a partial sin.

1. Forgetting first language is a sin. Speaking with an accent is a partial sin.