Sing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Oneida: An ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song "It Ain`t Goin` To Rain No Mo`."(Tennessee Dumb Laws)

What did Tarzan sing at Christmas time?
Jungle Bells

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest. To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing' Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!""YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention. The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general." Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing' Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off." YES SIR!!" replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the more...

Bill, Jim and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75- story skyscraper. After a long day of meeting, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell us sad stories for the rest of the way. At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car.!!!!!!"

A teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they
celebrated Christmas. She called first on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?"

Patrick addressed the class "Me and my twelve brothers and sister
go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come home very
late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our
stockings. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys."

"Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you do
at Christmas?"

"Me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad, and we sing
carols. When we get home, we put cookies and milk by the chimney
and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus
to bring our presents."

"That's also very nice, Jimmy," she said.

Realizing that there was a Jewish boy more...

Hark the bar room voices sing
Out of tune and everything
Christmas time and lets go wild
Make the persian gulf look mild
Let's get drunk and all fall down
Take the car and speed thru town
Wrap yourself around a pole
Put your family on the dole
Hark the bar room voices scream
Pass the jug of irish cream
Get up early christmas dawn
Yawn the technicolor yawn
Kids are howling with delight
You were out too late last night
Even smiling hurts your head
Open gifts, go back to bed
Hark the bar room voices bark
Where's the jug of cutty sark
Christmas comes home once a year
Don't you think you should be there
People love you, don't be jerky
Go home, eat some christmas turkey
Hug someone and then you say
Have a happy holiday

Hark! The Streptococcus Brings
(Melody: "Hark! The Herald = Angels Sing")
Hark! the Streptococcus brings
Strep sore throat to all who sing,
Chloraseptic doesn't cure it
Other people's sneezing lures it.
If the strep bug has a virus
Scarlet fever then arises,
Cross reaction with the heart
Causes it to come apart,
Hark! the Streptococcus totes,
Toxin and fire to all it smotes.
Pneumonia makes you cough and wheeze,
Mucus fills the lungs with sleaze
A viscous greenish oozing cloak,
That causes you to gasp and choke
Without water you can drown
If you breathe the strep germ down
Hark! The Streptococcus breeds
The misery of a bad disease
Of fecal strep in food beware,
Methane gas befouls the air,
Speedily you drop your pants
As if they held live fire ants
On the toilet you are dying
Bent in pain, guts liquefying
Hail! the Streptococcus means
Glory to those who would be lean