Singing Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is a big controversy these days concerning when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered a viable human being until after graduation from medical or law school.
Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A: One less drunk!
Q: Why are there so many Italian men in New York named Tony? A: When they came over to this country, they had "To NY" stamped on their foreheads.
A Russian, a Saudi, a North Korean and an American are walking down the street. A pollster stops them and asks, "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?" The Saudi replies, "Excuse me, what's a 'shortage'?" The Russian replies, "Excuse me, what's meat?" The North Korean replies, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?" Finally, the American replies, "What's 'Excuse me?'"
Q: What do New Zealanders call a sheep in their back yard? A: A ride on lawn-mower.
Why the British are more...

Two prostitutes moved to a new town, and on their first Sunday, went to church.
One of the girls was quite proud of her singing; the other felt she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, so was quiet.
After one desultory hymn, the priest berated the congregation, "Quite clearly, there are some who are singing, and some who are not. Can we please have a more concerted effort for the other hymns?"
One whisper to her friend, "My word, how did he know about us so quickly?"

From the Washington Post Invitational contest, which calls them Merge-Matic Books: Readers were asked to combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable blurb.

Second Runner-Up: Machiavelli's The Little Prince. Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed.

First Runner-Up: Green Eggs and Hamlet Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.

And the Winner: Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities. An' 80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice.

Honorable Mentions:

Where's Walden? Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is more...

One day a proud mother entered the record compagny. "My daughter is a real Popstar! She sings just like Withney Houston."
The manager replied: "I can hardly believe that".
"But I brought a tape, you listen to that!", urged the mother. She handed over her tape.
The manager put in his tape-deck. A golden voice filled the room and the manager closed his eyes and enjoyed the singing. When the song was finished, he opened his eyes and said: "But that was Withney Houston!"
"Yes, and my daughter sings just like that."

Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass Time Why don`t you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs he Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, Why did you do that?" Banta told " Yaar First four songs were from side A and the other four were from Side B".

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
“You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution, ” screamed the terrorist leader, “and you’re going to be executed! Do you have any last requests? ”
The Englishman spoke first.
“Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing “God Save The Queen” to all you men. ”
“That can be arranged, ” said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said, “And I want to honor my country before I die by singing “The Marseilles” to your men. ”
The Japanese said, “Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management. ”
The terrorist turned finally to the American.
“What is your last request? more...

There was an english man, who was singing "There was a cold day", whilst having a shit in cinema toilets.
Our Banta walks by and hears him singing "There was a cold day, There was a cold day" he slam's the door wide open.
The englishman in a shock say's, "What the bloody hell are u doin ?"
Banta replied, "Oh, sorry! I thought you ar saying, darwaza khol deyh (open the door)."