Singing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hey, what are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants its ass back! I saw your mom walking down the side of the road carrying a cardboard box full of roaches singing ‘We Are Family…’ Your Butt is so big you let a fart and the Earth went out of orbit! You’re so stupid you got hit by a parked car! Your so stupid that you got scared when the power went out and you were on the escalator! Your so fat…you fell through a black hole, and got stuck. Your so poor you flicked a cigarette butt on the floor, a roach came out of the wall and started singing: ‘Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the lord, we got heat’ You`re so fat, the last time you`ve seen 90210 it was on the scale.

There once was a lonely guy who bought a bird. The pet store manager said that the bird was a special bird and could sing, but only if you lit a match or lighter under his wings. The guy took the bird home and lit a match under the birds right wing and it began singing Jingle Bells. Then he lit a match under its left wing and it started to sing Silent Night. Just to see what the bird would do, the man lit a match under the birds balls and it began singing Chestnuts Roasting On an Open Fire.

Santa singh was sitting on a tree and singing. Suddenly he turned upside down and again started singing. Banta saw this.
Banta: Why did you turn upside down singing?
Santa: Because now I am singing the'B' side of the cassette.

The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud."

"How will that help?" said the second boy.

"Just do it," insisted the first.

Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

There is a big controversy these days concerning when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered a viable human being until after graduation from medical or law school. - ---------------- Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A: One less drunk!----------------- Q: Why are there so many Italian men in New York named Tony? A: When they came over to this country, they had "To NY" stamped on their foreheads. - ---------------- A Russian, a Saudi, a North Korean and an American are walking down the street. A pollster stops them and asks, "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?" The Saudi replies, "Excuse me, what's a' shortage'?" The Russian replies, "Excuse me, what's meat?" The North Korean replies, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?" Finally, the American replies, "What's' Excuse me?'"----------------- Q: What do New Zealanders call a sheep in their back yard? A: A more...

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."

The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."

"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls more...

Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects
BATON ROUGE, La. (Reuters) - A singing Christmas tree tattled on two teenage
burglary suspects in Louisiana, leaving the boys with backsides full of
buckshot rather than handfuls of loot, police said Tuesday.
Businessman Leon Wilson, Sr., 59, had been robbed twice last week, so he
started sleeping in his store Friday night and set up a makeshift burglar
alarm - a motion-activated toy Christmas tree his wife had perched near the
store's cash register. Wilson said the toy annoyed him everytime someone
walked by.
When motion is detected, the tree's eyes pop open, its mouth moves and it
calls out "Merry Christmas, Everybody!" before singing "Jingle Bells." Wilson
set up the toy near the door and stretched out on a couch in the back.
Early Monday morning, the singing Christmas tree went off and he spotted two
burglars near the cash register, armed with a crowbar they allegedly more...