Single Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A Black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to more...

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed, and they go to the fridge.

A man in a bar walks up to the bartender and says "I will bet you
$100 that if you set a shot glass down at the opposite side of the bar and I stand at this end of it I can pee in it without getting a single drop on the bar!"
The bartender thinks for a moment, and then finally slaps down $100. He goes and sets up the shot glass at the opposite end of the bar. The man climbs up on top of the bar, pulls down his pants and proceeds to pee all over the counter and the bar patrons without making a single drop into the shot glass.
Although the bartender is disgusted he says "Well it looks like you lost a hundred on that one!"
The man smiles smiles, points to a few stunned men at a table and says "that's okay, I bet those guys $200 that you'd let me climb on top of the bar and pee on everthing"

A nun walks into a taxi. The taxi drivers
says to the nun,"I have always wanted to
kiss a nun. Will you please kiss me?"
She says "I will if you are single and
Christian." So the the cab drivers says
,"Yes I'm Christian and single" So after
they kiss, the cab drivers says "well, i lyed
because i'm married and i'm jewish." So
the nun says "Oh thats ok, cause my
name is Kevin and i'm going to a
halloween party!"

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a more...

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named - BOOK.
BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere - even sitting in an armchair by the fire - yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
Here's how it works:
BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.
Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more more...

Once our Amathituma was coming out of the Airport. As there was a huge rush the security guard told Sir, "WAIT PLEASE" for which the Amathi replied "75Kgs" and moved on...
*******************************************************
Once Amathi wanted to know the time difference between UK and US. So he called up the Tourist Board and asked them "could you tell me the time difference between UK & US" The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Amathi immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.
*******************************************************
At a bar in New York, the man to Amathi's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE. The bartender approaches Amathi and asks, "ANDYOU, SIR?"
Amathi replies: "S. B. Dissanayaka MARRIED." ( S. B. Dissanayake is the Minister for Sports in Sri Lanka more...