Single Jokes / Recent Jokes

> > > Answers to Life's Questions About Men
> > > =====================================
> > >
> > >
> > > What did God say after creating man?
> > > I must be able to do better than that.
> > >
> > > What did God say after creating Eve?
> > > "Practice makes perfect."
> > >
> > > How are men and parking spots alike?
> > > All the good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped
> > > or extremely small.
> > >
> > > What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
> > > They're married.
> > >
> > > Why are married women heavier than single women?
> > > Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
> > > Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
> > >
> > > What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
> > > A widow.
> > >
> > > Man says to God: "God, why did more...

And Joseph went up from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary, his espoused
wife, who was great with child. And she brought forth a son and wrapped
him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger because there was no
room for them in the inn. And the angel of the Lord spoke to the shepherds
and said, "I bring you tidings of great joy. Unto you is born a Savior,
which is Christ the Lord."
"There's a problem with the angel," said a Pharisee who happened to be
strolling by. As he explained to Joseph, angels are widely regarded as
religious symbols, and the stable was on public property where such symbols
were not allowed to land or even hover.
"And I have to tell you, this whole thing looks to me very much like a
Nativity scene," he said sadly. "That's a no-no, too." Joseph had a bright
idea. "What if I put a couple of reindeer over there near the ox and ass?"
he said, eager to avoid more...

Kevin Federline, national punchline and Britney's bitch, announced yesterday that he is launching his own record label, Federation Records, and his album, Playing with Fire, will be the company's first official release. The second single off the album will be lip-sync'd live at the Teen Choice Awards, because teens have always been known for their good choices. Federline hopes that the single, "Lose Control" will fare better than "PapoZao", which Federline says was released as a joke, and designed to draw people to his Myspace page and his music career. Coincidently, that's the same reason why Britney married Federline.

1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off. 2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do. 3) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower. 4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization. 5) Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate. 6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. 7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero. 8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once. 9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage. 10) The entire British population lives in London. more...

In reference to "Santa is a woman"

Santa is a man.

It is precisely because Christmas is an "organized, warm,
fuzzy, nurturing social dealthat Santa has to be a man.
Delegation... that's the key. Just imagine if a woman was
trying to delegate all of those tasks and obligations to her
underlings. Christmas would be as ambiguous as the spring
equinox. Nobody would know what day of the year we were
going to celebrate it on.

It takes a man to organize a commercial event as huge as
Christmas. What with the ads, the parades, the football, and
(usually) the basketball, the sheer immensity of the task
would overwhelm most females. We'd have to plan football
schedules around lunch instead of the other way around. Or
worse yet... there might not be any football at all.
(Shudder) That's a scary thought.

If Santa was a female, the toys might never be delivered. It
would take more...

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
: Close the door.
When do you care for a man's company?
: When he owns it.
How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
: Three, if you slice them very thinly.
Why do men get married?
: So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
What are a woman's four favorite animals?
: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger
in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
: Put the remote control between his toes.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
: So men can remember them.
What did God say after creating man?
: I must be able to do better than that.
What did God say after she made Eve?
:"Practice makes perfect."
What's the difference between men and government
bonds?
: Bonds mature.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?
: They're more...

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man
walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line. The man couldn`t stand his curiosity.
He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I`ve never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."
"What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin? "
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."
A thoughtful moment of more...