Sister Jokes / Recent Jokes

In an interview with Italian newspaper Gazzetta dello Sport, soccer player Marco Materazzi revealed the circumstances surrounding the infamous head-butt at this year's World Cup.
Apparently, after grabbing French player Zinedine Zidane's shirt, Zidane said to him, "If you want, I'll give you the jersey later." Materazzi then responded, "I would prefer your sister."
Now, what's so bad about saying you find someone's sister preferable to a sweaty jersey? It would have been a lot worse if he said, "Better that jersey than your sister." Or, how about, "The only thing I want less than that smelly, dirty jersey is your sister. Matter of fact, you could line a hamster cage with that jersey, and it would still be better than your nasty sister. You could roll that thing in horse manure and, ref, time out, I'm on a roll, you could roll that shirt in horse manure..."

In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal, however, that the sister was not as skilled with a blade as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper
thigh, causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to
be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with... a Misdeweiner!

Morris calls his son in NY and says," Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama." The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. "I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up.""But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?""It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell
her. It will spare me the pain.""But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?""No I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with more...

Nina lived in Manhattan. Nina's younger sister, Rosey, came in from college to spend a weekend with her sophisticated sister. Nina had even arranged a date for Rosey with one of her friends, George.
After a lovely dinner and a show, George and Rosey went to George's apartment for a nightcap. They talked and listened to soft music for a while and then George suggested they retire to the bedroom.
"Oh, no," Rosey protested. "I don't think my sister would like it."
"Nonsense," said George as he gently took her arm. "She loves it."

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway - why are you going so slow?"
Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."
Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful.
At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.

Jack and Jill were twins who couldn't find dates to the prom. So Jill asked Jack to go with her. Jack said, "No, you're my sister, that's gross." Jill said, "Come on. Promise me if you can't find another date, you'll take me." So Jack said okay. Well, Jack couldn't find a date so he went with Jill. They were just standing by the punch bowl, and Jill asked Jack to dance. Jack said, "No, you're my sister, that's gross." Jill said, "Come on. It'll be fun." So Jack said okay, and they had a great time. After the dance, Jill asked Jack to take her to Makeout Hill. Jack said, "No, you're my sister, It would be gross." Jill said, "We'll just talk, we don't talk anymore." So Jack said okay. They were at Makeout Hill talking, when Jill moved to the backseat. Jill said, "Come on, Jack, take me." Jack didn't argue. When Jack moved on top of Jill, Jill murmured, "You're a lot lighter than dad."
Jack said back, more...

One day a blonde walks in to work and is hysterically crying. Her boss comes over to ask her what's wrong and she says "my sister just called - her mom died". Her boss nicely offers to give her the day off but she refuses. A few hours later her boss comes over to check on her and she is hysterically crying again. He asks her what is wrong and she says "my sister just called - my mom died too."