Site Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got."
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."

The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site

9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool.

8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named either Ingrid or Sven.

7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell.

6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn't think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxymoron.

5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches.

4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition."

3. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech.

2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and more...

Practitioners of the Mayan religion in Guatemala were upset with President Bush's visit to a Mayan holy site and promised to hold a purification ritual to cleanse the site of bad spirits because of the President's persecution of immigrants and bloodthirsty, war-like tendencies.

Spokesmen said the ritualistic cleansing would include a bloodletting, vivisection and the ever popular live beating heart removal from Moe, Larry, Curly and two friends pictured below.

"Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Northwest Flight 571, service to Los Angeles continuing on to San Diego.I am your chief purser and Captain Vinod Devasia is in control of this flight. Before we take off, we'd like to acquaint you with some of the safety features of this Boeing 767. You know about the emergency exits, oxygen masks, floating seat cushions, and so on, so we will not waste time with those. Consult the cards in your seat pocket for information on all features of our aircraft. "Please do pay attention to the new security features. "In the event of midair terrorism, a panel will open alongside the window seat, containing two lightweight automatic handguns. They are fully loaded, and extra clips are available in velcro straps. As the flight attendants are now demonstrating, to operate the pistol, simply draw back the slide and let it fall forward, then aim by lining up the slot in the rear site with the front site, cantered on the middle of more...

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I. D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O. D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N. B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3. 2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the more...

The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site
9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool.
8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named either Ingrid or Sven.
7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell.
6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn't think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxymoron.
5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches.
4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition."
3. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech.
2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and Knuckles.
and the Number 1 Sign Your City Used Bribes to more...

You kiss your girlfriend's home page. A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28. 8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3. And even your night dreams are in HTML. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your more...