Sits Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."

A guy comes into a bar and sees two women coming out of the bathroom. One sits at one end and the other sits at the other end. One looks really good and the other one is average. He thinks to himself, "there is no way I can get with the really hot one, so I'll talk to the average one and maybe work my way up to the really hot one."
So he starts conversation with the one woman and they having a nice conversation. Then she asks him, "Do you like my friend over there?" pointing to the woman at the other end of the bar.
The guy says, "Well, uh, uh, yea, I guess I like her."
So she asks, "Do you think she's pretty?"
The guy says, "Well uh, yea, she's pretty."
She then asks, "Do you wanna smell her pussy?"
The guy tentatively responds, "Uh, Uh, well, sure, yea, yea."
The woman smiles and puts her mouth to his nose and breathes out, HUUUH!

A man had just settled into his seat next to the
window on theplane when another man sat down in the aisle seat
and put his blackLabrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the
man.
The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and
asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he is a DEA
agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog". His name
is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get
airborne, when I puthim to work."
The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out,

the agent says:
"Watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search".
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and
finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds.

Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's
arm.
The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man
and says: "That more...

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink.... he notices thatat the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has everseen.... he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must haveher.... He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has anySpanish-fly in the back.... the bartender says he will check and comesback a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder.... hesays to the man..."this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that.... butthis is just as good.... this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to gether over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!" so the manforks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into achampagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with hiscompliments..... The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero ratherdisinterestedly..... but about twenty minutes later she slinks off herbarstool.... she saunters across the room toward our hero in a more...

A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him arepeeling and flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing outthe other fans. The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where hisgrotesque appearance won't disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the manin the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there. The man answers, "Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game." The leper sits down and adds, "As you can see, I have leprosy. Ifit disturbs you, I will move." "It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game." A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowingme to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has causedyou more...

-Your mom is so fat, I rolled over twice and I was still on top of her.
-Your mom is so fat, you need a Thomas Guide to find her asshole.
-Your mom is so fat, when she falls out of bed she falls on both sides.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow coat she looks like a school bus.
-Your mom is so fat, she has her own zip code.
-Your mom is so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nevada, Arizona...
-Your mom is so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.
-Your mom is so fat, when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
-Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the beach, people yell out, "Whale Sighting!"
-Your mom is so fat, we get a drought every time she takes a shower.
-Your mom is so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
-Your mom is so fat, every time she walks her butt claps.
-Your mom is so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
-Your mom is so fat, more...

The CBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him:
"Do you love your wife?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"Do you love your country?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"What do you love more, your wife or your country?"
"My country, sir."
"Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her."
The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves.
The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife.
The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..."
The third guy, Our Santa comes in, the same thing happens. The more...