Size Jokes / Recent Jokes
A REGULAR consumer, who used to buy eggs from a particular shop, always complained about the size of the eggs.
One day, out of frustration, he asked the shopkeeper,' Why can't you take ten paise more for each egg and give me bigger ones?'
Prompt came the reply,' Look, Sir, I can't play with the hen's ass for your ten paise.'
An extremely flat-chested woman decided she needed a bra, so she set out to the shopping mall in search of one in her size.
Her first stop was at an upscale department store, where she approached the saleslady in lingerie and asked, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she was rebuffed in much the same manner.
After trying a third department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove over to Walmart.
Stomping up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned her blouse, threw it open and yelled, "Do you have anything for this?"
The clerk looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"
Interesting Facts
*The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
* The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
* Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
* In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
* February 1865 is the only month in more...
Top 17 fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant:
17. "I finished the Oreos."
16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your *own* ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
5. more...
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by more...
A married man thought he would give his wife a birthdaysurprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shoprather intimidated, but the girls took charge to help him. "What color?" they asked. He settled for white. "How much does it cost?" he asked. "Twenty dollars." "Very good," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea. "Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?" "No," he said, "nothing like that." "Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles." He thought long and hard and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"
Top 17 fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant:17. "I finished the Oreos."16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"7. "Get your *own* ice cream."6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."5. "Got milk ?"4. "Maybe we should name the baby more...