Skier Jokes / Recent Jokes

The olympian skier Picabo Street now works in the Intensive Care Unit at a hospital. Unfortunately, the administration told her she can no longer answer the phone, because this is what she said, "Picabo ICU" (Peek-a-boo, I see you)

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?" Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury. Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: TWO bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident. Cross-Country Skiing: Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. It more...

Alp - One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?"
Avalanche - One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse.
Bindings - Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury.
Bones - There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: There are two bones of the middle ear that have never been broken in a skiing accident.
Cross-Country Skiing - Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift more...

Alp:
One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European.
Avalanche:
One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, First Aid, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse.
Bindings:
Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers.
Bones:
There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however; the two bones of the middle ear have never been broken while skiing.
Cross-Country Skiing:
Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain technique. It's good exercise, doesn't require purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. See also Cross-Country Something-Or-Other.
Cross-Country Something-or-Other:
Touring on skis along trails in scenic wilderness, gliding through more...

So the Jamaicans did it with "Cool Runnings"... not to be outdone, the Israelis had the best downhill slalom skier in the world.
They went up to the Winter Olympics with high hopes of the Gold Medal. Through the practices they watched the Austrians, the Swiss, the Germans, the Italians and the Swedish ski down the hill and through the gates.
But the Israeli KNEW that he had it in the bag. He had easily beaten every one of those other guys times!
Come the day of the competition, the Israeli is drawn to ski last. They watched the Austrian - 35.7 seconds. Then the Italian, 35.2... and so on, until it came to the Israeli entry.
The coach waited anxiously at the bottom... 6 and a half MINUTES later, the Israeli crossed the line!
The coach was furious. "What the h*ll happened to you?!" he screeched.
"It wasn't my fault!" yelled back the skier. "Some b*st*rd nailed a mezzuzah to every gate!"