Slip Jokes / Recent Jokes
NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere.In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh. The announcement also included a notice that beginning Jan 1, 1997, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court.Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict. When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft has been working on a more efficient more...
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"
Why don't you slip into something comfortable...like a coma.
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"
1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12) If you go into heat, package your meat
13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20) A crank with armor, will never harm more...
List Of Possible Slogans Promoting National Condom Week
1. Cover Your Stump Before You Hump
2. Before You Attack Her, Wrap Your Whacker
3. Don't Be Silly, Protect Your Willy
4. When In Doubt, Shroud Your Spout
5. Don't Be A Loner, Cover Your Boner
6. You Cant Go Wrong If You Shield Your Dong
7. If You'Re Not Goin To Sack It, Go Home And Whack It
8. If You Think She'S Spunky Cover Your Monkey
9. If You Slip Between Her Thighs, Be Sure To Condomize
10. It Will Be Sweeter If You Wrap Your Peter
11. She Wont Get Sick If You Wrap Your Dick
12. If You Go In To Heat, Package Your Meat
13. While Your Undressing Venus, Dress Up Your Penis
14. When You Take Off Her Pants And Blouse, Slip Up Your Trouser Mouse
15. Especially In December, Gift Wrap Your Member
16. Never, Never Deck Her With An Unwrapped Pecker
17. Dont Be A Fool, Vulcanize Your Tool
18. The Right Selection Will Protect Your Erection
19. Wrap It In Foil more...
A slip fieldsman had a particularly depressing day during which he dropped no less than ten catches all off the same bowler. After the game he was talking to the bowler when he broke off and looked at his watch. "I must go," he said, "I have a train to catch." The bowler looked at him bitterly. "Let's hope you have better luck with that, then."