Slip Jokes / Recent Jokes
What did Marv Albert do after NBC gave him the pink slip? He put it on.
A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. A boy handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, "My mom says I can take the course as long as there`s no homework.`
A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."'
New Deal software runs in a preemptive, multithreaded multitasking
environment. But what does that mean? Here's an explanation from one
of the designers of the software.
The Walking and Chewing Gum Theory
Single-Tasking: You are walking down the street
and you decide you would like to chew gum. You stop, untie your shoes
and take them off, get a pack of gum from your pocket, take out a
stick, put it in your mouth and then chew. When you are done chewing
you remove the gum from your mouth, place it carefully back inside the
wrapper, put it in your pocket, put back on your shoes and then
continue to walk.
Task-Switching: You are walking down the street
and you decide you would like to chew gum. You slip out of your
loafers, grab the piece of gum you have stashed behind your ear for
just such an emergency and chew, chew, chew. When you are done
chewing, you remove the gum from your mouth and quickly place it
behind your ear more...
After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks,
"Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.
"Would you please pass it to me,"
The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."
"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.
The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout more...
1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you
2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
4. Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
6. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
7. Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
8. Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
9. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
11. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
12. Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
13. Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
14. Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
15. Urge the more...