Smart Jokes / Recent Jokes

> >>Man & Woman Story
> >>
> >>ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
> >>Smart man + smart woman = romance
> >>Smart man + dumb woman = affair
> >>Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
> >>Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
> >>
> >>OFFICE ARITHMETIC
> >>Smart boss + smart employee = profit
> >>Smart boss + dumb employee = production
> >>Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
> >>Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
> >>
>>>SHOPPING MATH
> >>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> >>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
> >>
> >>GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
> >>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> >>A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> >>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
> >>spend.
> >>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> >>
> >>HAPPINESS
> >>To be happy with a more...

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her more...

101. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
102. Q: How do blondes get pregnant?
A: And you thought blondes were dumb.
103. Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
104. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
105. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
106. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
107. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
108. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
109. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill?
A: Wishful Thinking.
110. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore more...

Flutes: If you are a flute player then you're probably smart, strong, out-going, and have a lot of friends. But you might want to watch out for low brass players because some of them may not enjoy your high pitched melodies.
Compatibility: Trumpets, clarinets and saxophone players are OK, but stay clear from tuba players.

Clarinet: If you play the clarinet then you're most likely to be strong, and strong-willed, skilled and talented, smart, and of course, romantic. The future is always in your past and the past is always in your future. As the same for flute players, watch out for the low brass section. Compatibility: Flutes, trumpet and French horn players are advised.

Oboe: If the oboe is your skill then you are smart, very talented, well rounded, cunning, dexterous, and clever. Beware of clarinets though, because its just genetic for them to dislike you. Compatibility: Flutes, French horns, and trumpet players are all right, but steer clear from clarinets.

What is the similarity between a smart blond, Santa and the tooth fairy?
They are all make believe.

101. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant.102. Q: How do blondes get pregnant? A: And you thought blondes were dumb.103. Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?"104. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.105. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side.106. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back.107. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.108. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out.109. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill? A: Wishful Thinking.110. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! 111. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are more...

Bassoon: If you play the bassoon, then congratulations, you could probably get a scholarship where-ever you want. The "requirements" of a bassoon player is being smart, flexible durability, expressive, affected, and pulchritude. Your biggest concern is the trombones, because when you are not there, they have to play your cues.
Compatibility: Clarinets, oboes, French horns, trumpets are OK, but reflect the trombones.

Bass Clarinet: If you play this instrument then you are smart, fun, outgoing, "wild", open-minded, and talented. You really don't have any concerns to think about, so have fun! Compatibility: Whatever you choose.

Saxophone: Saxophone players can vary. You can get all different shapes and sizes of saxophones that it's not even funny! Basically, what all saxophone players have in common is they're all gifted. But beware of trumpet players for their music is not always as cool as yours. Compatibility: Clarinets, other saxophones, more...