Smart Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.
"This is a very smart dog," the man commented.
"Not so smart," said one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
Smart man + Smart Woman = Romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage
Santa Clause, the Tooth Fary, a Smart Blonde, and a Dumb Blonde were walking on a sidewalk when they all saw a 100 dollar bill. Who picked it up?
The Dumb Blonde. Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and a Smart Blonde dont exist!
The 5 Stages of Drunkenness
Stage 1 - SMART: This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING: This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH: This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so more...
Q. What do you call 15 blonde's in a circle?
A. A dope ring.
Q. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1. The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2. None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q. If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A. The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q. What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A. Her IQ goes up!
Q. What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A. A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
Q. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A. Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q. What did the blonde's mom say to her before the more...
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
---Dolly Parton---
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
---Erica Jong---
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hrs. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hrs.
---Rita Rudner---
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or our lives.
---Rita Rudner---
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
---Erma Bombeck---
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
---Sue Grafton---
I think----therefore I'm single.
---Lizz Winstead---
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
---Elayne more...
Q. What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
A. You hear of them but you never see them.