Smartie Jokes

One day, a Smartie and a Polo were having a drink in the pub. Suddenly the pub door swings open and in walks a Humbug.? Fuck me? shouts Polo, and immediately dives under the table.? What the fuck are you doing that for?? says Smartie.? That humbug always gives me a right good kicking whenever I seehim, so I? m hiding from him? says Polo.? You should stand up to him? says Smartie.? He? ll respect you moreif you do? Sure enough, the humbug walks over and gives the Polo a right slap.? Fuck off you stripy wanker, or I? ll knock the fucking shit out ofyou? says Polo.? Hey, no problem man, can I buy you a drink? says Humbug.? Told you so? says Smartie. The next night Polo and Smartie are sitting in the pub again, when inwalks Humbug with his mate, Tune.? Fuck me? shouts Polo again diving under the table.? What the fuck are you doing that for again? says Smartie.? I know you said stand up to bullies, but thats Tune? says Polo.? So what?? says Smartie.? He? s fucking menthol? says Polo. sent more...

Jelly Bean walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, do you fancy going to that new club in town?" and the Jelly Bean says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in."
So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you." So Jelly Bean says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me." and off they went.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under a table, the Lockets take one look at Jelly Bean and start kicking him, punching him and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Bean pulls his battered Jelly Bean body over to the table and wipes his Jelly Bean blood up and turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me?"
"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are menthol!"