Smile Jokes / Recent Jokes

After going through Lamaze, Leboyer, and La Leche classes with his expectant wife, the proud new father remained by her bedside throughout the labor delivery and wanting to be as sympathetic as possible, he took his wife's hand afterward and said emotionally. "Tell, me how it was, darling, how it actually felt to give birth."

"OK, honey," his wife replied. "Smile as hard as you can." Beaming down at his wife and smile, the man followed her instsuctions. "That's not hard."

She continued, "Now stick a finger in each corner of you mouth." He obeyed, smiling broadly. "Now stretch your lips as far as they'll go," she went on.

"Still not to tough." he remarked.

"Right." she snapped. "Now pull them over your head."

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." Adam looks puzzled at God, "Lord, what is a kiss?". God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?" "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." Puzzled again he asks, "Lord, what is caress?" God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?" "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." Puzzled yet again, "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"

One Friday afternoon this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake one guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures him to stop. Our guy rolls down the window:

"How can I help you?"

"I am the red bastard of the asphalt, you got something to eat?"

With a smile in his face he hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away. Not even five minutes thereafter he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop. A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window:

"What can I do for you?"

"I am the yellow bastard of the asphalt, you got something to drink?"

Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a can of coke of takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go faster and more...

Q. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.

There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar.
The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women cannot take enough pain to get a tattoo.
After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman states, "Well, I have a tattoo, too!"
The men all look surprised.
The woman continues, "I have a tattoo of a cute little grey mouse in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?"
The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around the woman..
Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them. She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a wimpish smile.
One of the men asks, "What's wrong, sweet lady?"
The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers, "Oh, nothing, I can't show you my little mouse tattoo after all. My pussy must have eaten it."

Adam and Eve
One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden.
God told Adam that it was time to populate the world. "Adam", he said, "you can start by kissing Eve".
"What’s a kiss?", asked Adam.
God explained and then Adam took Eve behind a bush and kissed her.
Adam returned with a big smile on his face and said, "Lord, that was great! What’s next?".
"Now you must caress Eve".
"What’s caress?", asked Adam.
God explained and then Adam took Eve behind a bush and lovingly caressed her.
Adam returned with a bigger smile and said, "Lord, that was even better than a kiss! What’s next?".
"Here is what gets the deed done. Now I want you to make love to Eve".
"What is make love?", asked Adam.
God explained and then Adam took Eve behind the bush.
A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a more...

To make a smile come, so they say, brings 15 muscles into play. But if you want a frown to thrive you have to use some 65.