Smith Jokes / Recent Jokes

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

Panic
Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! Little Tommy's swallowed the can-opener!
Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.
Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the friggin beans, the toast's getting cold!

Finding One Of Her Students Making Faces At Others On The Playground, Ms. Smith Stopped To Gently Reprove The Child.
Smiling Sweetly The Teacher Said, "When I Was A Child, I Was Told If I Made Ugly Faces I Would Stay Like That."
The Student Looked Up And Replied, "Well You Can't Say You Weren't Warned, Ms. Smith."

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we`re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We`re short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can`t give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing that he had ever heard, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that more...

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees--always willing to work overtime and go the extra mile when needed. Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees; he would have to lay one off.
But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off. So, he sits in his office and watches them work.
Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with.
Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache."

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we`re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We`re short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can`t give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"