Smith Jokes / Recent Jokes

Top executive of Big Construction Company:
Give me a brief summary of what is currently being done on the site.
Middle level manager:
Here... this fellow in the yellow hard hat is one of our employees,
Paddy O'Hara, and talking to him is the foreman, Washington Smith.
Mr. Smith requests that Mr. O'Hara take this long pipe and carry it to
that corner of the site, motivating his request with the fact that
Mr. O'Hara has been in intimate relationship with his own mother,
whereas Mr. O'Hara refuses to carry the pipe, motivating his refusal
with the fact that he is currently in intimate relationships with the pipe,
with Mr. Smith, with the construction site, and with Big Construction
Company.

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we`re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We`re short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can`t give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

A preacher dies and goes to heaven, where he's greeted at the gate by St. Peter. "Who are you?" St. Peter asks. "I'm Joe Brown. I'm a preacher. I've been preaching the Word of God for 50 years!" "Hmmm..." Peter says. "Let me go check and see if you can come inside." Peter wanders off into Heaven. While he's gone, someone else comes to the gate and knocks. Peter promptly returns to the gate and asks the new arrival: "Who are you?" "I'm Stan Smith," the guy replies. "Stan Smith? Stan Smith *the pilot*???" Peter exclaims. "Why, that's right," the guy replies.

Peter throws open the gate and ushers the new arrival inside with an enthusiastic "Come in! Come in!" "What about me?" asks Preacher Brown. "Give it a few more minutes - we're still checking," Peter replies, and shuts the gate again.

After what seems like hours, Peter comes back to the gate and opens more...

Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! Little Tommy's swallowed the can-opener! Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright. Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the friggin beans, the toast's getting cold!

"I'd like the number for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the 411 operator.
"There are multiple listings for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated a moment,
"Well, uh, most people call me Snake."

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."
"Do you have any close relatives, then?"
"Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but she's a spinster nun."
"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God."
"Okay," the man said with a smile, "then bill my brother-in-law."

A young reporter was sent on his first assignment.
He sent in the following report to the office -
"Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with cuts on her breasts."
The editor scolded the new reporter, "This is a family paper. we don't use words like 'breasts' around here. Go back and write something more appropriate!"
The young reporter thought for a few minutes, and finally sent in this report -
"Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with cuts on her ( . ) ( . )."