Smith Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mrs Smith, the biology teacher, was very fond of fish. She was also rather deaf, which was great for the children in her class. "What Mrs Smith needs," said one of her colleagues, "is a herring-aid."

Mr. Smith hired himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Smith, your barracks door is open."

He did not understand her remark. But later, he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir. All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment. He submitted the following report to his editor. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts." The Editor scolded the new reporter, "This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropiate!" The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her (. )(. ) "

A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."

"Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "you know that I argue every bill and always pay late."

The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets.Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "were doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "Were short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I cant give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?"

"Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It's disfigured."

"Well, how bad is it? Can I see?"

"Follow me, sir."

They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms.

Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"

The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please."

They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs.

Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?"

"No mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me."

Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all.

"Oh my God! more...